Lost in translation

According to the Bradt Nigeria guide "English is the official language of Nigeria". English is also the official language of England, and my mother tongue...so why cant anyone understand me? And more disturbingly, I cant understand anyone else.

This comprehension gap has become very apparent over the last week, with disastrous consequences. It has led to us being driven (and then having to go round) the National Museum, when in fact we wanted to go to the Kingfisher club - a social sports club and bar. It has led to the current explosion of cucumbers in our fridge - I asked for 1, and got 1 kilo. And sadly, yesterday, it led to me handing out birthday presents in front of a crowd of 50 people I didnt know, and who quite frankly, didnt have a scooby who I was!

The event took place at my new office. The secretary grabbed me around 3pm and asked me if I wanted to go downstairs for some "fun"...naturally I accepted the offer, and followed her down to the canteen area - a huge rectangular out building with bright orange chairs and tables. I was greeted by 2 massive birthday cakes, and enough cameras to put Big Brother to shame. Immediately I was welcomed into a group hug with a bunch of people I didnt know, and posed for 5 minutes in front of the cakes for photos. The cakes were iced with "Happy Birthday Celebrants of November" and "Happy Birthday Celebrants of December".

After about 20 mins of general milling about, the meeting was called to order by a short, spectacled man in a red T-Shirt, who stood in front of a huge "Happy Birthday!" poster. All the birthday "celebrants" were called to the first 2 rows of the hall. I snuck to the back, but was called to my feet immediately to join in the group prayer. What followed next was an hour of dares, singing and "testimonials". We heard one celebrant's "testimonial" about his trip to London during the Volcanic Ash cloud, and how with God's Grace he managed to get to the meeting on time - this particular story was greeted with "Amens!" and "Hallelujahs!". The atmosphere was like that of an evangelical church, complete with gospel singers. I felt grounded by genuine thanks given for small things by the people in that hall. And so it was at that moment that I smiled to myself, and thought about how Im going to love working in Nigeria, with such warm hearted, enthusiastic people.

My thoughts were interrupted abruptly as a lady tapped me on the shoulder from the row behind. She whispered something, which I couldnt decipher (as usual), and so I just nodded and smiled. The next thing I knew, I was being introduced as a "Special Guest" and being called to the front to give out birthday presents!!! What made the whole experience worse, was that, like in all award ceremonies, a photographer was there to ensure he captured the moment of me handing out each gift on film.God only knows where those pictures will be posted. I can only imagine that when they are, everyones going to be asking who the foreign girl in the photo is!